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When Am I Ever Going to Grow Up?

Pixies 2009


I wrote the title for this and it made me giggle silently to myself. The problem with the title is that I’m a 33 year old, with three kids and am completely responsible with a home under my belt to prove it. I throw dinner parties, birthday parties, cook for all of my friends and I can even make a killer Martini. The issue is that I’m 33 years old and still think like I’m 17 about a lot of silly things. I’ll give you a few examples to explain, the most recent happening a few weeks ago.

The Pixies were in town. This is one of, if not my absolute favorite bands. Ok, it’s neck and neck with The Pixies, The Clash, Minor Threat and Black Flag – but you get the idea. Now the last few times The Pixies have been in town one of two things occurred. I got so excited that I drank too much and ended up far more drunk than I should have been and had to be babysat all night by an unhappy boyfriend and or I would get so excited that would literally not be able to stop jumping around and or would get annoyed with the people around me because I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why they were all standing there staring at the most amazing band and NOT jumping around?

So The Pixies announced their Doolittle Tour and then I found out it was at The Hollywood Palladium. The HOLLYWOOD FUCKING  PALLADIUM – where I spent almost every month, in my youth, watching some of the most amazing shows of all time (for the 90’s that is). I was thrilled and very much beginning to revert to the 17 year old. I was listening to Doolittle over and over again. Counting down the days till the show! However, I was also promising myself that I wouldn’t drink too much so I could really enjoy the show. I wore a cute skirt, put on some pretty make-up, and showed up on time with a friend that I had convinced needed to see this band with me. Off we went. I had a cocktail before I left the house and thought – Perfect – this is going swimmingly! Then I show up at the show and someone I know hands me a water bottle and says, “Here drink this quick” (It didn’t have water in it – by the way). So I do. Now, I am entering The Palladium and ever more excited!!! Woo-Hoo – The Pixies!!!! Then I think I should grab a beer because I am not leaving the show for anything!!!

At this point I’m standing at the side of the stage with some probably more mellow people than myself. I am staring at the gathering crowd and then suddenly the 17 year old within me appears and says:

Amanda – what the fuck…get down in front of the stage, you want to be in the pit don’t you!?”


So much for my mellow, let’s just enjoy watching this initial intentions. I end up fighting for space, tossing and shoving people…and then like the good 17 year old that lives inside me always used to do at the Palladium – I decide I am going to head walk. It has other names – crowd surf – whatever it’s called these days. So I tell my friend who is down in the pit with me, “Hey, lift me up,” To which he replies, “What?” And I repeat, “Help me up.” And like the good 17 year old that I always was and apparently still am, I was up above the crowd in a matter of seconds and heading towards the front of the stage. Crowd surfing in a skirt at The Palladium – with a ton of my friends in the audience (who I was sure couldn’t see me anyway) along with my ex-husband. No hesitation – at all. Ah – this is me.

The truth was I had a ton of fun! I drank too much – I displayed little self control – had messy hair and ripped tights when it was all over – but I had a blast. So, the 17 year old was triumphant again.

  I think you get the point.

  But to further explain – let me just state that this is something that happens all the time.

For instance – I went to Vegas a few weeks back. A girls trip to beautiful Las Vegas – the city of sin. Now, we were all adults. All of us are over 30 years old. However, when Amanda is on vacation, without the kids, and nothing but her will and self control to keep her sane – well I pretty much do whatever I feel like doing. Like, I wake up and drink booze – and pretty much keep doing that ALL DAY LONG!!!! Because staying drunk the entire time when you are in Vegas is the point right!? I guess so. Seemed like a good idea to me. Of course I had a hang over for 24 hours when I returned – but the 17 year old inside me thinks – it’s totally legal to walk around with drinks in this town – AWESOME!

 I like being reckless sometimes – in case that isn’t clear yet?

I had a conversation about this with someone else that thinks they are fairly child-like as well – she’ll remain nameless of course. Both of us thought – you know what – why would we want to act like an old fart? Why, would we want to lose all that vitality and youth? The thought was, I want to remember every day until my brain gives it up – what it was like to be young, reckless, and 17.

 As long as I’m taking care of what I need to – I think it comes down to this:

I will never be your normal average 30+ year old someone. I am always going to be the girl that wants to be in the pit, having way too much fun, with smudged make-up, not having perfectly coiffed hair, and never hesitating to take a chance. I don’t ever want to stop and think – What are people going to think? I just don’t. I never have and I don’t think I ever will. I want to remember that 17 year old girl forever and I hope I always do.

Side note – My friends did see me crowd surfing and I don’t think they were the least bit surprised. It’s always nice that the people around you can appreciate the little oddities about you – even when sometimes you forget to appreciate them within yourself.


Ms. Amanda Jones

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