By Ms Amanda Jones
It’s me Amanda.
2010 is here already! I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing but I know it hasn’t been writing. Sure, I have a busy life – we all do from what I understand. The thing is, for the last year on top of the busy life that I deal with from day to day I’ve been harboring this major secret. OK – it’s not that major of a secret because I tell everyone about it, but apparently Amanda’s brain or lack thereof depending on how you are looking at it, doesn’t enjoy sleeping anymore. It’s true.
My name is Amanda Jones and I’m an insomniac.
The worst part is I’m not even an inspired insomniac.
I’m a, let me sit in front of the television and watch Twilight for the 100th time insomniac. I’m a, ooooh a new block of ‘Forensic File’s is starting at 2am –- lasting till 4am and then by 4:15am I’ll have to check all the windows and doors to make sure everything is safe– insomniac. I’m a, thank god ‘SVU’ starts at 4am, insomniac. Then 6:30 rolls around and SURPRISE…I’m sleepy finally!!! This isn’t a good thing when you have to be at work at 8am, and are expected to work a full 8 hours. In fact, it blows.
I always think to myself I wish I could be creative at that time of the night. I wish I could think of interesting and witty things to write about, tell you all the amazing stories I’ve come up with and how my life has been a breeze in 2010 compared to 2009. However, the truth is, I spend the entire time pissed off at myself for not being able to shut off my brain and contemplating whether or not it’s safe for me run down to my car without telling anyone, IN CASE I’m abducted and no one will discover it for the next 4 hours when Andre or my kids wake up.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND NIGHT AFTER NIGHT WATCHING MURDER SHOWS!
So in 2010 I think I should visit my Dr. and ask for a prescription of sleeping pills!
The problem is, I don’t like sleeping pills because I wake up hung over in the morning…and as someone responsible for animals and people and such….not being able to function in the morning and having to go to a job just isn’t in the cards. I’m kind of out of options. This in itself is kind of hilarious to me. As a young woman I was the one shouting at people, “Who needs sleep – you can sleep when you’re dead.” As it turns out….I NEED SLEEP – That’s who!?
Oh, and the other thing about Dr.’s and pills is that everyone is terrified that when you ask for a prescription you are becoming an addict! Just wait till these genius Dr.’s realize that I’m drinking every night to put myself to sleep – TAKE THAT Dr. Bozo and your “You really don’t want to become dependent on that Amanda, why don’t you try meditating,” recommendation.
There are many, many evenings when this whole lack of sleeping backfires on me.
I’ll explain. A lot of my friends go out and see bands or our other friends at night. They’ll plan on hooking up at 9pm…I will too! Then, I’ll sit down for a few minutes to catch my breath, give my feet a break before I head back out for the evening, and then POOF – I’m asleep. I’ve had to make so many phones calls, screaming at 12am, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry I didn’t show up, I just woke up.” It’s what I call my Homer Simpson moment, when I rise and scream, “DOH” at no one in particular. There are more slightly embarrassing events that my girlfriends are sworn to secrecy about…but when I’m out and if I’m drunk enough – I might just tell you anyway.
So there it is 2010 – I’m not sleeping! I’m sorry my brain is fixated on nothing, but I promise if you TRAffIK readers stick it out – maybe I’ll be interesting once more – instead of figuring out murder mysteries at 3am! However, if you have do have a murder mystery case that you are interested in learning all the latest and greatest forensic tools out there in the world of DNA and such – I AM YOUR GIRL!!!
XOX,
Ms. Amanda Jones
aka Nancy “Fucking” Drew
