VICTORIOUS LIVING – There is No Time Like the Present
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the third Tuesday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com. To read previous installments of Victorious Living click here.
Nothing lights up my world more than seeing people get out of life what they want. That’s why I became a life coach.
I take on clients who have realized that what they want in life requires them to come outside of their comfort zone. They have accepted risk. What worthy thing does not require it? Whether it is asking someone for a date, pursuing one’s dream as an actor, buying a home or starting a business, there is never a guarantee you will acquire that for which you set your sights. One thing is for sure, though — if you don’t stretch yourself, life will be mediocre. I don’t know about you, but mediocrity is wholly unappealing to me.
In this economy, though, I can see why one might resist going after certain dreams, particularly when pursuing them could produce strains of various types, e.g., financial. Yet, hard times do not have to be an obstacle. These challenging days simply dare us to create a better strategy. There is never going to be a better time. Moreover, because unrequited passions don’t really die, hesitation could result in prolonged dissatisfaction, leading to detachment from your desires and the ensuing inertia. So what are you waiting for? Let’s take a look at a few key elements to include as you create a sound plan that will result in the lighting up of your world.
1. Weigh the pros and cons of both making changes and staying where you are. There is always a cost/pay off relationship for our actions (or inaction). Writing down a realistic list of pros and cons will help you get present to what is at stake and keep you motivated toward your goals.
2. Set your priorities. When you are generating major change in your life, other areas in your life can shift as well. As you plot your strategy, consider how to keep your priorities, especially the people you love, in their proper place.
3. Consider the pitfalls. Setbacks are going to happen. So forget the fantasy that you won’t have any. Consider the potential impediments, how to minimize their occurrence as well as be prepared to creatively handle surprises.
4. Mind your energy. In the book, “The Power of Full Engagement”, executive coaches, Loehr and Schwartz, reason that it is energy, not time, of which there is a dearth. What energizes you? What do you need to feel renewed? Think about what you need to maintain energy levels and incorporate these activities as you map your way to your goals.
5. Stay accountable. Pick supportive friends and/or family members who will call you to task, be a sounding board for your ideas, and encourage you when all you want to do is throw in the towel. Outside accountability is an aspect of social structure that is critical for success. After all, it is much harder to tell yourself no, when you have a cheering section!
Disclaimer: Life Coaching is for “healthy” people; it isnot intended for use as a substitute for medical advice, professionalpsychotherapy, or any other therapeutic intervention.
VICTORIOUS LIVING – Tips for Job Hunting in a Tough Economy: Part II
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the first Monday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com.
Click here to read Part I
6. Consider informational interviews. This type of interview is a fact finding mission. It is a non-threatening method used by job seekers to get information on a job or career field from someone 
already working in that arena and is also an effective method of networking. It is particularly useful when breaking into a new area, but you can also do queries when in need of information on how to navigate yourself forward in your current field, whether or not the employer is currently hiring. Here are some tips for doing this:
a.) If possible, get a reference from a friend or colleague of someone to interview. Sometimes you can cold call an employer, but having an “in” is usually more productive. Make sure you interview decision makers.
b.) Prepare your top 5 questions and keep the interview to no more than 15 minutes.
c.) Because an in-person interview is more effective, try to arrange one and bring a copy of your resume. If you cannot obtain an in-person interview, then do it over the phone and send your resume by email.
d.) When you have completed your informational interview, always ask your interviewee for another referral(s) with whom you can talk and don’t forget to send a thank you note!
7. A last note – for those who have been laid off. If you’ve been laid off or fear you will soon be among the unemployed, it is important to adopt certain attitudes and behaviors to best support yourself during this time.
a.) Manage your feelings. It’s easy (and understandable) to experience sadness, grief, panic, anger and other emotions. While it’s critical to process the emotions that emerge, do so healthfully. Write in a journal, talk to a friend, create your plan of action, etc.
b.) Don’t take it personally. Companies engage in layoffs primarily for fiscal reasons, so if you’re one of the ones cut, know that it doesn’t mean you or your work was not valued. Know what you contributed to the company, yourself and your family and give yourself credit.
c.) Modify your spending. Take a look at your receipts, tax records, etc. and make choices that lower your costs…and your stress.
d.) Plot your course. You can use the tips in this article and others to navigate your way back to the world of the employed. (See Part I of this article from last month.)
e.) A note to the unemployed and employed alike: always hope for the best and prepare for the worst. If you haven’t already done it, start compiling your emergency fund. Ideally, you should have at least 8 months of cash specifically designated to pay bills if you become unemployed. It may seem a daunting task, but with a solid commitment and a workable plan to save, you can have this fund ready. It will give you some peace of mind knowing that you are doing something productive to weather the current economic storm.
Disclaimer: Life Coaching is for “healthy” people; it is not intended for use as a replacement or substitute for medical advice, professional psychotherapy or any other therapeutic intervention.
image originally published here
VICTORIOUS LIVING – Tips for Job Hunting in a Tough Economy: Part I
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the first Monday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com.
Today’s tough economic times make finding a job especially difficult. Many employers are implementing hiring freezes, cutting salaries, and making other types of budget cuts in order to survive. And though hoards of available positions are posted daily on job search websites, the number of responses by job seekers to any one listing is enormous. How does the weary job hunter have the best chance of success given today’s challenging market?
- Have the basics covered. Make sure your resume is updated and targeted. A resume with no clear objective can quickly make its way to the bottom of a recruiter’s pile. And don’t forget to write a well-crafted cover letter. If you need help, search the internet for tips or, if you can, pay a resume/cover letter writing professional to do the work for you.
- Make short- and long-term goals. Get clear on what your priorities are. What are your dreams? Do you need more education? Map out a realistic career course and work with your accountability partner to stay on track. *See my June 2010 column on goal-setting entitled, “Aiming Your Arrow”.
- Do something you love. Even though there are many of you who just need a paycheck right now, part of your long-term plan should include doing something you love. If your work is not truly heartfelt, any job can feel like drudgery and try not only your patience, but also your overall health – no matter how much you need the money. If you’re not sure what you love, check out the internet for sites like www.livecareer.com for a free career evaluation or take a personality test like the MBTI. (You can find many links to take this online as well.) These types of tests can give you hints to careers for which you have a natural inclination and can even list specific jobs that you may be interested in pursuing.
- Be persistent. A tough economy is a reason to employ specific strategies, not to lose heart. You can help yourself by reframing rejections as opportunities to learn and by rallying support around you to keep you upbeat.
- Networking. The old adage, “tell anyone and everyone you’re looking for a job” still holds true (unless you have a chatty co-worker!) In addition to your immediate personal contacts, e.g, family, friends, professors and co-workers, etc., also research alumni and professional associations, local networking events, job fairs and career development centers as well as utilize social networking sites. But remember, if you use Facebook, MySpace, etc. make sure your page is appropriate for viewing by potential employers.
More tips to come next month…
Disclaimer: Life Coaching is for “healthy” people; it is not intended for use as a replacement or substitute for medical advice, professional psychotherapy or any other therapeutic intervention.
image originally published here
VICTORIOUS LIVING – Zip Your Lips: Keeping a Confidence Part II
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the first Monday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com.
Continued from August entry…
Because we as human beings are highly relational, telling another’s secrets is very costly. Besides the tremendous hurt a person suffers when they realize their confidence was broken, if we give away another’s private information (whether or not they find out), we also undermine our relationship with them destroying trust and thereby degrading the integrity of the relationship as we make our own motives the main priority. Moreover, our inability to respect another’s privacy results in a loss of our own dignity and over time with repeated “losses”, it is as if we chisel out perforations in our character that make our moral fiber increasingly friable and the moral decline continues. It is so incremental that it is hardly perceptible, but it is powerful. We become people who cannot be trusted. (more…)
VICTORIOUS LIVING – Zip Your Lips: Keeping a Confidence Part I
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the first Monday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com.
Do you know how to keep a confidence? 
When someone asks you to keep a secret, do you tuck it away in a private corner of your mind or do you take the first opportunity to tell someone else? Keeping a confidence is a fundamental requirement for a good relationship, yet there are many of us who regularly fail in this endeavor. Why do we do this? Why do we receive someone else’s trust in the form of a confidence and then tell someone else their business?
There are many possible reasons for this breach. For example, some people have poor personal boundaries or just don’t have respect for another person’s privacy. Other possibilities include: the enjoyment of gossip, the urge for attention from having something interesting to say, the pleasure of doing something bad or rebellious, the feeling of needing to vent one’s feelings about the secret or even the desire to help the divulger by getting another person’s opinion on their issue or situation. Whatever the reason, conscience tells us that none of these rationales offer sufficient support for violating someone’s trust. Even getting an opinion from a 3rd party with the intent to help can get sketchy once we’ve either agreed to “not tell a soul” or been imparted the kind of information that implicitly lets us know we should keep it to ourselves.
Yet, is keeping every secret really that important? What if the person telling the secret never finds out we told or we leave their name out of the conversation? What about telling someone who doesn’t even know the person who confided in us?
Clearly, if keeping a secret could lead to harm, one is morally obligated to break the confidence by informing the appropriate party(ies) that can best ensure safety. As far as the attempted covert disclosure of another person’s affairs…that is a tenuous risk at best. We can never really guarantee that the secret we retell to a 3rd party is absolutely secure, no matter what the condition. Moreover, when we start to conditionally draw our own lines about how to share another person’s personal information, the boundaries become increasingly delicate and will predictably give way. Thus, if someone has entrusted us with facts about their personal matters, the most reliable way to protect their privacy is to keep the information to ourselves.
To be continued in next month’s installment…
Disclaimer: Life Coaching is for “healthy” people; it is not intended for use as a replacement or substitute for medical advice, professional psychotherapy, or any other therapeutic intervention.
VICTORIOUS LIVING – Looking Out for Numero Uno: Self-Care
Victoria Walton, M.S. is TRAffIK’s resident Life Coach and will be helping us tackle the issues that hold us back from becoming the “TRAffIK Stoppers” we all can be. Look for her column Victorious Living the first Monday of every month. Victoria Walton may be contacted at victoria@intraffik.com.
One of the most overlooked aspects of achieving success in life involves how we care for ourselves. In our day-to-day strivings to manage work, family and other personal obligations, it is an easy thing to put aside the regular participation in behaviors that in essence say, “this time is about taking care of me.“ However, if we are to be truly successful in life and not only accomplish our goals but also effectively contribute to others, taking care of ourselves should be a priority found in balance with our other tasks of the day.
The term self-care (“S-C”) seems to almost define itself, so let’s first look at what it is not. Notably, S-C is not the neglectful avoidance of your responsibilities in pursuit of a selfish desire. Rather, S-C involves engaging in habits that enhance your life – emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually – by eliciting an increased sense of balance and restoration. These S-C activities are determined by you and though they can involve interacting with others, they are created specific to your needs alone. Sound good? It gets better.
The benefits of S-C are numerous. Some of the plusses include: increased relaxation and ability to manage stress, improved health, more energy, enhanced creativity, added enjoyment of life, better problem-solving ability, increased ability to care for others and decreased chance of burn-out. Clearly the benefits of self-care illuminate it as one of the best gifts you can give yourself as well as those around you.
In order to determine the most beneficial S-C activities, you must have a high level of awareness of your needs as well as a commitment to meeting them. Do you need a girls/guys night out, a foot massage, a day of no “have tos”, a nature walk, a vacation without email, a nap, prayer time? The steps below will assist you in creating your “go to” list of behaviors/activities that will enrich you in body, mind and spirit.
Action Steps:
Action step 1: Examine yourself throughout the next several days. What kinds of activities can you think of that will help refresh you and bring you more in balance on an emotional, mental, physical and/or spiritual level? (more…)