ROOMMATES…
26 is too old to have roommates. It’s too damn old.
When I moved to Austin, I didn’t know anyone so I used a roommate matching service which is a big mistake. Everything was honky-dory for awhile despite the few discrete hints here and there that one of my roommates was absolutely batshit.
“I’m allergic to dust,” he said to me one day.
“Isn’t everyone?” I thought to myself.
“Whenever I breathe in dust, I sneeze like crazy,” he continued. I’m no scientist, but I’m sure this is the most common affliction next to breathing itself.
Every night I walked into my apartment, all of the furniture was completely rearranged.
The first time this happened I asked, “So you like changing things up a bit, I guess?”
“I need to get every dust particle so it helps to move things around.”
Every single day.
Even this hint of batshittiness didn’t register on my batshit meter.
Maybe the alien, conspiracy, and alien conspiracy talk should have clued me in.
After watching some alien “documentary” on the History channel:
“I’ve been preaching about the Illuminati and aliens since the 90s and now everyone’s talking about it.”
As if he’ll be remembered in the annals of batshit history as a kind St. Paul to UFOlogy.
A little conspiracy talk doesn’t scare me, but once he started talking shit on tomatoes and the conspiracy within them, my batshit detector went off the rails. I was like, “Hey, man. Lay off the ketchup.”
I began to talk about his craziness to friends -– a true sign of a burgeoning hatred. (more…)
‘Goodbye, San Antonio…’
There should be no mistaking that I was not San Antonio’s biggest fan. Besides being able to smoke in bars, the city had not much for a friendless Southern Californian to enjoy. Experiencing the closest to a quarter life crisis as anyone gets, I quit my job, told my landlord I was leaving and began packing my bags for the capital city of Texas: Austin
San Antonio wasn’t all beans and no pork, though. It had some good things about it. It looks good in a rear view mirror.
Now, many months ago somebody rear-ended me on my way to SXSW. I was in a hurry so when I surveyed the damage, it just looked like minimal aesthetic scarring. I never wash my car so a few scratches didn’t bother me. The overgrown hipster (he was definitely mid-30s still pretending to not have a job but he definitely had one, and probably a much better job than me) was very apologetic and I just went, “Nah, dude. Don’t worry about it. It looks fine.”
Here’s a life lesson I learned the hard way: Always get insurance information.
The next day when I opened my trunk I realized I couldn’t get it closed again. This was a problem because the leprechauns I was smuggling into Austin for SXSW were quickly figuring out how to untie their ropes. It took me half an hour to MacGyver a way to keep the thing shut. The overgrown hipster, who definitely had car insurance and probably could have spotted me the $50 bucks my untrained eye estimated fixing a trunk would cost, got away with it.
Fast forward to present day when I’m moving and the leprechaun trade has dried up. I need my trunk again.
I don’t want to drive an hour to and from San Antonio to shuttle my books and socks to my new apartment.
So I roll into the body shop and try to get a quote.
I tell the lady, “I really don’t want to open my trunk unless you can guarantee you can fix it today.”
“Oh, boy,” she says, “You say someone rear ended you? Yeah, don’t open your trunk.”
My heart sank to my bowels and I let out the quietest fart of desperation.
“How long would it take?”
“At least 24 hours, maybe more.”
“How much would it cost?”
“Well, depending on your deductible your insurance should cover it. It usually runs $500-700 to fix.”
I don’t like cursing at people who are just doing their jobs and I’ve been to this place before. They’re honest and they fix easy things to fix for free. They’ve taken a few looks at me before and fixed a lot of stuff for me for free so I knew she wasn’t pulling a fast one on me. I assure you, dear skimmer, I cussed the whole entire world out in my mind.
I ended up driving back and forth from San Antonio to Austin about eight times before all of my shit was moved and I shed a whole bunch more. Ebay netted me a nice chunk of change. I gave my beloved papasan to my pregnant neighbor who loved it, because pregnant people apparently like to be lazy in the last month of their pregnancy. I was their weird neighbor who listened to loud music and smoked cigarettes, but they were the only people who acknowledged my existence and seemed to appreciate it. I’ll miss them.
Now I’m in Austin. Had 10 days of glorious unemployment and bearded-ness. It’s been my fourth move in 2 years, but I’m not good at math so don’t take my word for it.
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Andrew Hilbert is a recently displaced Southern Californian living in San Antonio, TX. He will be sharing the adventures he encounters in his new habitat via his column Real Gone (to be published monthly on the second Monday of each month here on intraffik.com) He still wears his Dodgers hat and argues passionately against Spurs fans. He is one of three founders of art/poetry magazine Beggars & Cheeseburgers. One day he will own a llama or three.
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photo by Superstock.com
25 TIPS FOR SXSW (PART 4 OF 5)
As most of you know the SXSW Music + Film + Interactive Festivals and Conferences are fast approaching. This week, I have provided you with 5 different daily tips in various areas (lodging, driving, getting around Austin, etc.) that will hopefully help you maximize your trip based on my own personal experiences.
My focus has been mainly be on the Music and Media Conferences (March 17-21), but many of my tips and advice have been general enough that you can apply them towards any part of SXSW.
For Monday’s 5 Tips on Lodging click here
For Tuesday’s 5 Tips on Driving to Austin click here
For Wednesday’s 5 Tips on Getting Around Austin click here
Today’s tips are 5 General Tips for Your Trip to SXSW
Ok, so now that I’ve shared with you some personal experiences and tips from my own arsenal for SXSW in the areas of lodging, driving to Austin, and getting around Austin the time has come to give some advice that would probably be in line with the kind of advice that a parental figure might bestow upon you. However, since I am still in my 20’s, I hope it will be better received by you than if issued by someone who appears to be more far removed from the experiences you are currently encountering and making a part of your own personal trajectory.
These next 5 tips essentially stem from the one quality that I for better or worse possess an atypically high level of, common sense. It is this quality that has probably kept me out of trouble and drama free for most of my life. I, like the rest of you, may not always put it to good use, but it’s always there if I need to fall back on it.
With that said, here are 5 General Tips for Your Trip to SXSW
1. Carry Business Cards – Don’t forget to pack your business cards. If you don’t have any, you might want to consider printing some out on your own (you still have some time) or if you have some time (time is running out) use cheap printers like Vista Print or Got Print (they are located in Burbank where you can pick up your order personally) They don’t have to be fancy, they just have to have your current contact information. It’s not the best feeling in the world to have someone ask you for your card and you have to make up some excuse every time. This is one time in your life when you really should have them, as you will meet lots of people and you’ll want them to be able to locate you once you are all back in the “real post-SXSW world.” Most people won’t be bothered with searching for pens and paper to write down your number, and being as how you just met (and you might be one of tens, twenties, or hundreds) they probably won’t want to plug your info into their phone just yet (you’d be surprised how many people have never made it into my phone). The information on the business card is also what they’ll probably use to not only contact you with, but also research you with. So make sure that you provide the info (tools if you will) for what you actually want found on you.
Bonus Tip: When it comes to business cards, you actually may already have some from a company that you are employed by. You may be fine with using these, not wanting to take on the additional expense of getting new ones printed. However, take a minute to think if you will want all of those people that you meet randomly on the streets of Austin (some of who may not be legitimately in the business they say they are) contacting you at your place of employment. For example, I tend to constantly embark upon and take on new projects that allow me full control and the ability to exercise my creativity. However, I usually try to keep my personal endeavors separate from my professional ones as typically I have been employed by big
name entertainment companies that sometimes make people see stars (or at least think they will be getting closer to fulfilling some dreams by getting to know me better…or stalking me). For the most part, I would not want random people contacting me on my direct line while I am in the midst of a time crunch trying to make deadlines or seeing projects through.
For this reason, I always have business cards for my creative projects (front and back of my TRAffIK business card pictured left–sorry, had to blackout my cell phone number), so that I can be selective about whom I give which to. For most LA residents that attend SXSW this is their world as well. So I would suggest that you think twice before you hand out your professional business card to every person you meet.
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25 TIPS FOR SXSW (PART 3 OF 5)
As most of you know the SXSW Music + Film + Interactive Festivals and Conferences are fast approaching. This week, I’m providing you with 5 different daily tips in various areas (lodging, driving, getting around Austin, etc.) that will hopefully help you maximize your trip based on my own personal experiences.
My focus will mainly be on the Music and Media Conferences (March 17-21), but many of my tips and advice will be general enough that you can apply them towards any part of SXSW.
For Monday’s 5 Tips on Lodging click here
For Tuesday’s 5 Tips on Driving to Austin click here
Todays 5 Tips are about Getting Around Austin:
Based on my experiences in Austin, I still think taking cabs is the best way to go (unless you have a personal driver). Taking cabs and not driving around let you avoid the headaches of having to find parking (not to mention having to remember where you parked) and avoiding the possible fender benders that sometimes happen. Here are some tips for getting around:
1. Share Cabs – This is easiest to do when heading to the 6th St. vicinity from your hotel. You will soon learn that most people waiting for a cab have the same destination as you do. If you don’t have a large group of people with you already, you should consider asking some of the other people in the hotel lobby or that are waiting outside if they are heading to 6th St. and might want to share a cab. It’ll save all of you some money and also you might make some new friends or learn of new interesting parties to go to (we definitely did).
2. Get Digits – A good practice to get into is to get the number of the Cab drivers and Ricksha guys if they offer or even if they don’t and you trust them. It’s kind of amazing how much you can learn about a cab driver or rickshaw driver (cyclist?) in a 10 – 15 min. ride. I’m not talking about making a romantic connection, but they might come in handy. Many of these drivers/cyclists work all day and night taking on this job of cab driver only during the weeks of SXSW trying to make as much money as possible in this time frame. You never know, but you may get stuck at a party way out in the middle of nowhere and they could possibly bail you out and get you back to your hotel saving you hours of waiting around for a cab to be sent or one to drive by. As always trust your judgement on whom you ask for this info from.
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25 TIPS FOR SXSW (PART 2 OF 5)
As most of you know the SXSW Music + Film + Interactive Festivals and Conferences are fast approaching. Over the next five days, I’ll provide you with 5 different daily tips in various areas (lodging, driving, getting around Austin, etc.) that will hopefully help you maximize your trip based on my own personal experiences.
As I said yesterday in my first 5 tips, my focus will mainly be on the Music and Media Conferences (March 17-21), but many of my tips and advice will be general enough that you can apply them towards any part of SXSW.
Todays 5 Tips are for those Driving to Austin
For some the drive to Texas has been planned for quite some time. Others may have procrastinated and may decide in the next few days that they are going to head down there without much of a game plan.
I think everyone should make the drive through Texas at least once. It should be a mandatory rite of passage necessary prior to being allowed to proceed with any further road trips. 80% percent of the drive you’ll have that “glazed over” look with no hope of distractions from your barren country route. However, Texas has some of the best cities (in my opinion) to make a quick getaway to at least once every few years, and Austin tops the list (I’ve always said that if I ever decided to move away from LA and Orange Counties, Austin would probably be my top choice of new city to reside in).
I’ve made this specific drive to Austin, specifically for SXSW twice as an adult (ok, ok …I’ll confess not by myself and one time I didn’t even drive but you get the point, right?), and a few other times on family trips as a child/teenager.
Don’t complain about the lack of scenery, instead take advantage of it. If you have co-pilots that will be sharing driving duties you can use this time to get some sleep, given the fact that you probably will not be getting any for the next 4 days (or however long you’re there for).
Anyhow before I start to ramble any more than I already have here are the 5 Tips for those you who have decided to drive (whether you are in a band or not)
1. Directions – If your car doesn’t have a navigation system (and even if it does) don’t forget to bring the directions, a Thomas Guide, or at least map (one that has (California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas would probably be more helpful than that decorative one you have of Paris that hangs on your wall). Don’t count on your phones to bail you out as sometimes those 3Gs and 4Gs aren’t as reliable as the OGs at the gas stations that give you directions.
Common sense right? Well let me just tell you, that one year due to printing of misc. last minute items (Party RSVPs, directions to hotels and parties, lists of shows we wanted to check out, etc) we completely forgot to bring directions to Austin from Los Angeles with us and if my memory serves me correctly we did not have maps with us. So we had to call a friend and ask her to send us directions to Austin via text/email. She of course was more than amused, finding it to be the most hilarious thing she’d ever heard. I wasn’t worried for one, as I have a photographic memory and had taken a quick glance at the directions and knew that we had to jump on the 10 East and drive for about 12-15 hours through Arizona, New Mexico, and into Texas on it. So we had plenty of time to get someone to give us directions, but after the 10 we had no idea what to do. So don’t start your trip with this stress and remember to take the directions or a map with you.
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25 TIPS FOR SXSW (PART 1 OF 5)
As most of you know the SXSW Music + Film + Interactive Festivals and Conferences are fast approaching. Over the next five days, I’ll provide you with 5 different daily tips in various areas (lodging, driving, getting around Austin, etc.) that will hopefully help you maximize your trip based on my own personal experiences.
My focus will mainly be on the Music and Media Conferences (March 17-21), but many of my tips and advice will be general enough that you can apply them towards any part of SXSW as I’ve learned a lot from what used to be my almost ritualistic annual escapades of drinking Shiner Bock (actually I prefer Blonde), eating not enough BBQ, and trying to make it to too many music shows and parties over the course of nearly a week in Austin.
Because many of you might be scrambling around trying to book last minute hotel rooms, I’ll start off with these 5 Lodging Tips.
1. Pick a hotel, Any hotel
You may want the Driskill, but realistically unless someone else is footing the bill and you pretty much have standing reservations you probably won’t be staying there. Sure the Gayot 4 key winning Intercontinental, Omni, and Hilton Hotels are where you might see some of the more established acts and keynote speakers staying, but you probably won’t end up there either. The 4th Street hotels (Four Seasons, Radisson, and the other Hilton) make up the rest of the prime walk to EVERYTHING located hotels however, if you wanted to stay there you should’ve booked your hotel rooms at least six months ago (and even then they might not have had the availability). (more…)