The Festivus for the Rest of Us – or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Sasquatch

by: Deltron3030

Let us all let out a collective sigh of relief now that we know Jack Johnson will not be headlining any of the three big festivals of the 1st half of 2009. That Hawaiian-ass clown ruled the festival set in 2008 and single handedly caused ticket sales to spike downward for his specific headlining days. As terrible as he was (is) at least the concert go-er could be thankful for not having to be pressed into picking between two kick ass artists who were playing at or around the same time. (ACL 07: Muse and The Arcade Fire). JJ could have been matched up against The Bret Michaels Band and I’d still choose not to see him. At least with the BMB I’d get the chance to catch a glimpse of his Rock of Love skanks. (I <3 you Brittanya).

This year the organizers of the big three (Coachella, Sasquatch, and Bonnaroo) have really stepped it up. Sadly, “in this economy”, not everyone can go to all three. That’s why I’m here. Right off the bat I can tell you Crystal Castles, The Knux, TV on the Radio, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Girl Talk are playing all three festivals so they will have no impact on the decision making process. That said, KICK ASS! Three chances to see five badass artists.

Coachella
Indio, CA – 04/17-04/19

(for your listening pleasure listen to the Deltron3030 Coachella Mix via the player above featuring some of the artists playing this years Coachella Music Festival)

Sure it would be cool to see one of the Beatles play live. Can we get a zombie John or a spirit George? I can’t stomach the idea of watching a 66 year old man, who wasn’t smart enough to sign a pre-nup to an evil one legged woman, belt out his hits and his misses. Can you guarantee that I’m going to hear songs more like “A Day in the Life” and less like “Say.Say.Say.” Who am I kidding that’s an awesome song. I’ve changed gears on this and I’m now willing to admit seeing Sir Paul would be worth the cost. Plus seeing the reclusive Leonard Cohen would be pretty awesome and the rest of Friday is jam packed with great acts: Beirut, Crystal Castles, Los Campesinos!, The Hold Steady, The Knux, and The Ting Tings. The problem with it though is most people (present company excluded) will be working on Friday and will miss all of the lower level acts thanks to work and the world renowned LA post work traffic. I suppose everyone could take Friday off, but one shouldn’t spend too much time in the meth lab capital of California. Jesus lasted 30 days in the desert with the devil; I’m thinking three full days is too much of a test for the people of the Coachella festival. It’s definitely way too long for Amy Winehouse. They better line up a replacement act for her ASAP. I’m sure Jack Johnson is available.

You can get a three day pass for $269 or single day passes for $99, plus an extra dollar “donation” fee. So for $300, before Tickmaster fees, you can sweat your ass off in Indio on their “polo fields”, and if you’re lucky, bump into Paris Hilton, Shwayze, or the cast from “The Hills”…who will surely be plunking down the $55 a head camping fee.

Non headlining Line up highlights: Leonard Cohen, Beirut, Peanut Butter Wolf, The Hold Steady, Band of Horses, Friendly Fires, No Age, Okkervil River, Los Campesinos!, MSTRKRFT., My Bloody Valentine, Silversun Pickups

“Really?” - I’m told “Throbbing Gristle” is a huge get for Coachella.. I’m listening to them now and let’s just say I’ll leave the judgment up to you.

Bonnaroo
Manchester, TN – 06/11-06/14

(for your listening pleasure listen to the Deltron3030 Bonnaroo Mix via the player above featuring some of the artists playing this years Bonnaroo Music Festival)

Bonnaroo has a pretty solid mix of acts and actual big time headliners (yes that is thinly veiled shot at Coachella’s Saturday night headliner: The Killers). This is both a pro and a con. Last year Bonnaroo drew about 70,000 people. That’s a pretty big group of sweaty ass people. This year Phish will be headlining two nights. You do the math. You don’t want to? Allow me: 70,000 people + all the phish fans that got locked out of getting their Phish only tix will be flooding Bonnaroo like unkempt locusts. The smell at these shows is bad enough, now you’re looking at waves of people who haven’t showered for days BEFORE the concert has even started. That coupled with the brutally sticky Tennessee June days has me thinking that this will not end well. The pricing is fairly accommodating, escalating from $224 to $249.50 as the dates creeps closer. Remember that’s four days compared to Coachella’s three and parking/camping is included, unless you have an RV. If that’s the case you’re looking at an additional fee of $125. I won’t bother offering up single day prices. If you’re traveling to Bonnaroo you’re committed to embracing the whole thing. It would be impossible to pick and choose dates at this point anyway because the slackers at Bonnaroo have yet to announce a day by day lineup. I was told by someone whose word I greatly trust that it was the worst festival experience of her live and that the mosquito and flowing urine river combo made camping unbearable. Personally I don’t look forward to the Phish nights simply because I’m jaded. I spent too many days of my youth hearing rich kids, as they got out of their Eddie Bauer limited edition Jeep Cherokees, say “Come on man, I need a miracle!” when I was trying to scalp tickets. Nothing is worse than a privileged hippie.

You have been warned.

Non headlining Line up highlights: Animal Collective, Of Montreal, Raphael Saadiq, Okkervil River, Wilco, Mars Volta, Band of Horses, The Decemberists, Bon Iver, Santigold, Jenny Lewis

“Really?” - Paul Oakenfold. Shouldn’t you be at Coachella?

Sasquatch Music Festival
George, WA – 05/23-05/25

(for your listening pleasure listen to the Deltron3030 Sasquatch Mix via the player above featuring some of the artists playing this years Sasquatch Music Festival)

Ready for the hard sell? The fact that the festival is on Memorial Day Weekend makes it the instant favorite. It’s like when your douchebag friend and his equally dickish wife decide to have their wedding on Memorial Day Weekend thus ruining hundreds of peoples three day weekend. It’s like that, but the complete opposite. This allows the festival to start on Saturday which in turn enables people to take their sweet time to get there. Even better the camping still opens on Friday (at noon). If you want to get there early be our guest. If you want to get there on Saturday at the last minute, that’s fine too. Simple logic would make me think this has to help combat traffic. Camping is reasonably priced at $95 for a car of four people. If you have an RV it will run you $160, I.E. $50 less than you’d spend if you were camping at Coachella sans RV. Sure I’m not factoring in the plane ticket costs but hear me out. Last year, Coachella, in the sweltering heat of the meth land dirtball Indio fields, had 60,000+ concert go-ers. Bonnaroo, in the dredges of Tennessee, had 70,000+ and that was with out the “phishheads!”. The Trip to Seattle and then to Gorge is more than worth it. Sasquatch last year had no more than 25,000 people and it’s held at the Gorge, the most visually impressive venue not named Red Rocks. According to Sasquatch’s website The Gorge is a nine time winner of Pollstar Magazine’s award for Best Outdoor Music Venue. If that didn’t sell you than how about the weather that is not too cold and not too hot. It is the goldilocks of festivals. The idea that at 10pm I’ll need a hoodie instead of passing out from a heat stroke is a reassuring thought. If anything I can go jump in the Columbia River if things get too dodgy or if I need a bath.

Sold yet? No? Ok let me go to the ticket prices. The pricing started at $56.50 per day and has since then escalated to its current price of $66.50 per day and on the week of the festival (beginning Monday, May 18th) tickets are $76.50 per day if still available. That means even if you bought tickets the day of the show they will still be cheaper than Coachella’s current price (which will most likely escalate as well). If you’re still not sold what if I told you Trent Reznor announced that this would be the last ever Nine Inch Nails show. That’s got to count for something right? How about a fully reunited Jane’s Addiction (not some lame Porno for Pyros bucocky). Truth be told outside of the less than spectacular Ben Harper headlining choice for Monday I’d have to say that Sasquatch has the most balanced, well rounded lineup of all three festivals. The lineup is a Deltron dream with such Sasquatch exclusive acts as Explosions in the Sky, M83, and Kings of Leon. Along with other kickass bands that are highlighted below Sasquatch also offers up the comedy tent that will be home to Zach Galinakis, the Tim and Erik Awesome Show, Great Job! and Aziz Anari. Aziz is a god among men! There I said it.

Non headlining Line up highlights: Chromeo, Calexico, The Wrens, The Walkmen, Silversun Pickups, The Decemberists, Animal Collective, Of Montreal, Bon Iver, M83, Explosions in the Sky, and Santigold.

“Really?” - Mt St Helens Vietnam Band, What 27 yr old wouldn’t want to play in a band with their 14 yr old adopted brother drummer? This is a “really?” of the good variety.

Recap: I’m not sure if you were paying attention but we have quite a few repeat artists from Coachella and Bonnaroo that are playing Sasquatch. These overlaps coupled with the fact that, as I mentioned earlier, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Girl Talk, TV on the Radio, Crystal Castles, and the Knux are all playing all three make it even easier for you to pick just one festival this season. The choice is yours. Don’t blow it.Note: all three festivals are offering up ticket payment plans. Yep, it’s that bad, people.

FULL SASQUATCH BAND LINEUP

Saturday, May 23

Kings of Leon Yeah Yeah Yeahs The Decemberists Animal Collective Bon Iver Devotchka M. Ward Doves

Sun Kil Moon The Gaslight Anthem King Khan and the Shrines Ra Ra Riot Shearwater Passion Pit Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band Vince Mira

Blind Pilot Owl City Arthur & Yu Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele Death Vessel Hockey Crystal Castles Mos Def

Sunday, May 24

Jane’s Addiction Nine Inch Nails TV On The Radio of Montreal The Avett Brothers M83 The Airborne Toxic Event Calexico The Walkmen

The Wrens St. Vincent John Vanderslice The Submarines Viva Voce The Dodos The Builders & The Butchers AA Bondy

Fences Point Juncture, WA The Red Wine Boys The Murder City Devils Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head Deadmau5 Mike Watt and The Missingmen Japandroids

Monday, May 25

Ben Harper & Relentless7 Erykah Badu Silversun Pickups Fleet Foxes Gogol Bordello Santigold Grizzly Bear Explosions In The Sky

Girl Talk Blitzen Trapper The Knux Monotonix Bishop Allen Black Moth Super Rainbow Beach House Mugison

The Dutchess & The Duke School of Seven Bells Horse Feathers The Pica Beats Loch Lomond Tobacco BLK JKS

Mar 25, 2009 | Categories: Gimme Gimme Schlock Treatment Column, Music, Uncategorized | Tags: A Day in the Life, Animal Collective, Aziz Anari, Band of Horses, Beirut, Ben Harper, Best Outdoor Music Venue, Bon Iver, Bonnaroo, Calexico, Camping, Chromeo, Columbia River, Crystal Castles, Eddie Bauer, Explosions in the Sky, Friendly Fires, George Harrison, Girl Talk, Hawaiian, Jack Johnson, Jane’s Addiction, Jeep Cherokees, Jenny Lewis, John Lennon, Kings of Leon, Leonard Cohen, Los Campesinos!, M83, Manchester, Mars Volta, Memorial Day Weekend, MSTRKRFT, Muse, My Bloody Valentine, NIN, Nine Inch Nails, Of Montreal, Okkervil River, Paris Hilton, Paul McCartney, Paul Oakenfold, Phish, Pollstar Magazine's, Porno for Pyros, Raphael Saadiq, Rock of Love, Santigold, Santogold, Sasquatch, Sasquatch Music Festival, Say.Say.Say., Shwayze, Silversun Pickups, Sir Paul, Tennessee, The Arcade Fire, the Beatles, The Bret Michaels Band, The Decemberists, the Gorge, The Hills, The Hold Steady, The Killers, the Knux Coachella, The Walkmen, The Wrens, Throbbing Gristle, Tim and Erik Awesome Show, Trent Reznor, TV on the Radio, Wilco, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Your GuicThe Ting Tings, Your Guide to Coachella, Your Guide to Sasquatch | Leave A Comment »